Not because I didn’t like it, but because I was addicted to it. Addicted to the scrolling when a moment of boredom came up, to the likes after posting that amazing picture and to the internal comparison that inevitably happens when you open up your feed.

Instagram, the ultimate source of inspiration and way to keep up with what everyone is doing.

Thanks to instagram, whenever I felt down, I could count on videos of little cute animals to put a smile on my face.

Thanks to instagram, I was able to stay in touch with all of the friends I met abroad. Years after having seen them, I was still up to date about the last time they went to a party and had too many tequila shots.

Thanks to instagram, I could share my life with friends and people who never met me, but could follow every online move. That amazing weekend with my friends where I had lots of fun? That picture where I looked good and pretended not to be aware someone was taking it? That fancy restaurant I went to? That adventurous trip I was taking? Thanks for liking, come again.

Thanks to instagram, I became the proud owner of a digital art collection of screenshots of quotes or other posts that spoke to me, ready to be pulled up on days when I needed a little motivation boost… somewhere between the other thousands of pictures. Guess how often I looked back at them.

Thanks to instagram, whenever I had a dull moment of boredness, I had a way to distract myself and check what all of my friends were doing to find out that Sarah was at a party of mutual friends I, apparently, wasn’t invited to. Also, why is everyone on vacation or in a fairytale relationship?

Thanks to instagram, I found the inspiration to become as lean and skinny as the “fitspo” influencers, comparing myself up to the point where it impacted my mental health so much that it turned into an eating disorder from which I suffered for over 8 years.

The itch to post and receive likes is still there. The curiosity of what others are doing while I’m at home, making myself feel bad for not being at some fun event, is still there.

Quitting instagram didn’t all of a sudden make that little voice go away, but it certainly helped feeding it less and spending less time on my phone.

2023 was a tough year for me mentally. Not the type of instagram worthy life you’d put in a “my highlights of 2023!” reel.

However, the dilemma remains. As an expert on body and self-image, building out her own company, I feel the pressure to create a presence on social media. Because how else do people learn about what you do in this day and age? Yet, in my heart, I know—and research confirms—that social media can contribute to negative body and self-image issues. This creates a paradox where, on one hand, I need to be visible online to grow my business, but on the other hand, I am wary of perpetuating the very issues I aim to combat.

Regardless of the choice I make, it feels like there is no right answer to it.

The only thing you can do if you don't like something, is to change it. So my contribution will be to make social media a more real place, a place where I will choose to contribute vulnerability over highlights. Connection over perfection.

June